When you choose abortion or adoption, ultimately the end result is giving up your baby. By placing your child in abeyance instead, you can simply put everything on hold until you are ready for the next step. Abeyance is a safe, regulated process that avoids some of the trauma and scandal that abortion or adoption can engender.

Choosing an abortion is one of the most final decisions a person can make. There is no turning back the clock. Parents cannot change their minds and decide to keep the baby once the mother has had the procedure. 25.5% of women decide to get an abortion not because they don’t want a child, but because they don’t want a child yet.* Abeyance is a safe alternative that allows families to keep their children, but not raise them until the parents are ready.

A common alternative to abortion is adoption. While there are many safe and reputable adoption agencies, the adoption process does not always go smoothly, especially if the birth mother does not do enough research. One such instance occurred  in Utah when the birth mother found that the adoptive parents she had selected for her child had limited his learning and social development opportunities.* In other cases, parents who thought they did not want a child changed their minds later and tried to get their baby back. Although the law often sided with the birth relatives in the early 90s (Darrow v DeBoer 1991, Matter of Welfare of DL 1992), today the courts weigh child-caretaker attachment much more heavily.* In fact, even if birth parents give up their child, then successfully get it back, the separation from its previous caregivers could cause psychological damage to that child.*

Placing an unwanted/unplanned child in foster care can also have negative mental and emotional ramifications for that child. Again, just like adoption agencies, foster care organizations are usually safe places with capable and experienced staff. Unfortunately, there are dangerous exceptions to that generalization. Some agencies suffer from disorganization and lack of funding, while others miss warning signs which indicate that some foster families are not all that they appear to be. ¬†FosterClub has compiled some shocking statistics on abuse in the foster care system. They also explore some of the challenges faced by youth in foster care, like losing beloved pets or being left behind on “family” vacations.

With abeyance, a family doesn’t have to worry that they might be placing their child into the wrong hands, because that same family will ultimately raise the baby themselves. By the same token, parents don’t have to bid their children goodbye forever, (like they would with adoption or abortion) because abeyance is ultimately a delay, not an end. Family Abeyance Inc allows families to take the time they need, so that they they can be the best parents possible.